I wont be able to get on for awhile...so here goes

updates:
Ben Copeland:
Moved to Cleveland. He kind of abandoned me. But i know it's for the best. I miss him alot and rarely see him, but hopefully he'll get his shit figured out, and will come back. It's only made me realize that i love him more though. So i guess that's good. He's an amazing guy, I dont think i've ever met another like him, infact I'm pretty positive. I could see myself spending forever with him,if that's how the future decides to go.

Jessica Smith:
She's my life. I know she'll read this. But She's became everything and more to me over these past few months. Ever since she said "i know how you feel, and i
dont wanna let you down. I dont want you to feel defeated, i just cant let that happen, not as your best friend" and over the past few months, i've realized more than ever that she's a lifer. Meaning, she's not going anywhere. We know
each other like the back of our hands. Maybe even better. I dont know where i'd be without her. <3 I'm so glad she's around.

My mom:
I miss her so so much. I'm down here with her actually. We've had a great week. It'll be coming to an end soon. But i'm happy that she's happy down here. I'm happy that maybe without me, she'll live the life she's always wanted. :) I miss her so so much i know my life could be easier with her around, but i'm too much like
her and too stubborn to go that route.

My dad:
Still very sick. When i think about it, it makes me cry. Mom and i both think he wont make it much longer. That makes me sad. Esp when i think of my future. Walking down my wedding isle with no dad, god, im tearing up already. Or having grand children, i know he'd be an awesome grand father. :( anyway. he's doing better than he has the past few months but it seems the sickness never goes away. I hope it does, i really do.

Kevin:
Ass. Hole. Got in a huge argument. Told him everything that was dying to get out over the past two years. How our sex never meant anything, and how i was used, and how he's fake, and he'll never ammount to anything. And etc etc etc. We all know how i feel about kevin... i've made it clear.

My life:

it's really hard.
I feel defeated alot.
I try to push on through it,
encourage myself to stay strong.
But it gets me down just
thinkin about it.
Gettin no where, fast.
Wishing i was getting somewhere,
somehow.
Feelin hopeless,
scared, alone at times.
but with the help of the
few who're there,
i manage,
and for the most part,
try to look on the brightside withthe hope
i have left.