I sit here

and I can think of the old times.
when I was all you saw,
and You were all mine.

Everytime it seems fixed.
things seem to mess up,
I'm scared I'm lost.
It all seems so uncertain.

I say the things I feel
when I feel I know how to say it.
I never know what to say
and how to say,
or when.
and I'm always questioning the right time.
I just want our time,
to be right everytime.

Time is one of these things.
I sit here and let it pass me by.
but now I realize,
there's no reason why.
And I need to fix that,
and I'm sure one day,
I'll find the reason why.

So....

I'm so fucking pissed.
I have all these feelings,
Angry,
Upset,
Confused,
Scared.
Pent up inside me,
and I'm ready to explode.
I don't feel like talking about it,
but it's driving me crazy.
I just wanna scream
at him
at her
at everyone.
I'm just so upset right now.
I dont know what to do anymore.
I don't know what's right.
I don't know how to fix this.
I just want it to fucking GO AWAY.
Period.
Simple as that.
I want her to fucking disappear.
And the other her too.
And them.
Everyone.


I'm done with this shit,
Someone fix it,
and make it right.
Because someone messed it up.

Ugh

I'm tired of this.
I want it to just go away.
Tired of wondering about it.
Just make it, make it all go away.

I'm done with this consistent problem.
It needs to disappear.
End of story.
No more "okays"... Not what I wanna hear.

Things I need to say, just to get them off my chest

Dear ___________,

I love you more than anything. Not as much as I could, because I don’t love myself, and in order to love you as much as I can, I’ve got to learn how to love myself. Sometimes my thoughts and mind scare me. Because I know things, that I just don’t like admitting to myself, but they’re constantly in my mind, and here I’m pouring them out.

You can have any one of them you please. Any one of them would kill to take my place. All you would have do is say the word. Waiting there at your grasp, ever single one willing, to make you replace me. If we were to fall apart, any of them willing to make you forget me, it’d be simple just to replace me. They’re all so pretty, and I’m not so special.

You like this at your grasp and sometimes you flaunt it. You know they all want you, and somewhere inside, that pleases you. To know, you can have anyone you want, that’s got to be a guilty pleasure. Dangling them all on a string, it’s pathetic of them. But who am I to talk, you’ve got me wrapped around you finger in love, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do, if only I could give you every star above. The only thing I have over them, is I know neither will love you as I love you now and forever. Everywhere we go, there’s at least 5 just wanting you to give the cue, and who’s just standing there beside you? Watching as they quiver with hope. You do everything you can to lead them on, to make them want you. When really, is it not enough that I want you, with everything I have, and all of them combined, I just want you as mine.

Yet in myself somewhere I know, all of the opposite gender want me too. I could flash a smile and make them melt, if I had the confidence. But do I flaunt this? No. Because it doesn’t matter to me whether they want me or not, because you wanting me, is quite enough. You’re so perfect, it’s insane…I don’t understand , why out of everyone you could choose, you chose me? Sometimes I don’t understand how I got so fortunate. You’re all I’ve ever asked for, all I’ve ever wanted, and you appeared out of no where. I just happened to be in the right place, at the right time. Pure coincidence.

You have this capability to melt me with a smile, or a laugh. You complain about your body, as if it’s not perfect, the smoothest skin just asking to be touched; muscles so defined you don’t have to flex. The way your voice carries to my heart when you speak, it just literally makes my heart skip a beat. With one single touch of your hand to my face, my heart begins to race, chills run up my back and form a blush on my face. The way your jaw line is so defined, just whispers “kiss me kiss me, one more time.” I love the safety I feel when you wrap your arms around me, or the contentment I feel when our fingers intertwine. I could go on forever and ever about the things about you that make me weak, especially the sweet things you say, and my inability to speak. The way your breath brushes against my lips, “I love you” it carries, and my heart rips. I’m so vulnerable right now, it’s not even right, I can’t sleep with out you when you’re not beside me at night.

Please don’t ever leave me, I wouldn’t know what to do, I’m not Beyonce, you are irreplaceable, You’re the second person to touch my heart the way you have, and if you leave, I’ll never gain my composure back. I love you, I love you so much, all I ask is Please just love me back.

Yours enternally,
Kayla

Maybe I'm just

a little paranoid.
But this is getting really old,
You love me, love me so much...
So I'm told.

But where are you when I need you?
When I want to hold you,
Who else am I holding too?

Im tired of feeling
Less important,
Like I'm not worth it.

I wish me being on your arm,
was more important than
making some other girl wanna be on your arm.

It's tiring sitting and wondering,
wondering where I stand on things.
I want to know I'm important.
Show everyone how important I am to you.
Because I'd show the world
my undeniable love for you.
I want the same in return.
Is that too much to ask for.

I'm tired of all the questioning,
"are you with him?"
I'm tired of the accusations
"he likes me"
I'm tired of hearing you say
"It's just so funny how many girls want me"

Thanks for making me feel like I have to
keep trying,
because I can easily be replaced.

I'm just so tired.
so tired of feeling this way.

I feel like

This is the time in my life,
where things get rough.
Where I'm struggling to get through,
and I don't know what to do.
It seems all these decisions
are being thrown at me,
and I have to choose which one I feel is right.
Things seem more stressful,
I feel more down.
I don't feel like sharing this,
but I have no other choice now.
All these feelings and thoughts
bottling up inside.
I'm so tired, so stressed.
I'm lost I dont know what to do,
or if the path I want,
is the one I'll choose.
I'm at this time in my life,
where everything I think is right,
will eventually feel wrong.
and I'll be stuck once again,
singing the same old tune,
same sad song.

There's a few things that I just cant get off my mind.
It seems I'm losing all the people that used to be my life
and I'm starting over new. I'm not sure this is what I'm ready
to do, but it seems the only choice. It feels too late to fix
things.
I came to the conclusion, the person I used to love most, has
finally moved on and forgotten about me. The guy I called my
brother, the one I counted on until the end. The one I saw myself
being with, in one way or another for the rest of my life,
I've finally lost him, and I just chose to acknowledge it.
and it hurts the most.
I'm taking these OGT's, they seem to get only harder. As I take
them, my past years flow by my mind, and I want to cry. I
should've tried harder, if I'd have known the paths I would've
chosen, I would've done better, I would've tried harder.
All these things, just seem so pointless,
and I feel I've done wrong to so many people, and that
I cant make them better.
I just wish things would've be made so hard,
and this time wouldnt be so trying.

As of right now

Art drawing.
OGT.
Writing.
Showers.
Wet hair.
Wings.
Pretzels.
Twizzlers.
Kevin.
Ty.
Hitchhiking and flying.
Jessica.
Purple nails.
Owl City.
Sweet sayings.
Tears.
Graduating early.
Piercings.
Maddie.
Nicole.
Honesty.
Clean quilt.
Fabric Softner.
Weed.
Alcohol.
Cocain.
Alex Weber.
My cousin.
Mark Doiron.
Scared.
Upset.
Reminiscing.
Shame.
Alone.
Misunderstood.
Bad spelling.
Babies.
frogs.
Flowers
Stressed.
Nervous.
Bored.
Puke.
Bars.
Drunk people dancing.
Mommy.
66.21
191
Love.
Fear.
Hatred.
Guts.
BAMF.
Nicole.
Lexi.
Betrayed.
Disappointed.
Let down.
Nina.
Titanic.
Beauty and the beast
Wall-E.
Making Love.
Palm Centro.
Marriage.
Forever.
Disbelieving.
Hope.
Faith.
Frank.
Ouch.
*Growl*
Kaitlynn.
Four Letter Lie.
Coffee.
Lies.
Haylee.
Camp.
God.
Angels.
Lion King.
Paramore.
Screaming!.
Piano.
Guitar.
Driving.
Tony McVaney.
Battle of the Bands.
Warped Tour.
Selina Ismail.
Jesse Tudini.
Jeani.
Memories.
Floods.
Heartbreak.