Sometimes

I just feel as if i'll never measure up,
as if i'll be just a mistake.
Sometimes i feel as if i'll never
ease the pain,
or as if i wont be the one you really wanted.
Maybe that you'll never be okay,
you'll never forget her,
and you wont stop loving her, i know how it is.
And one day you're gonna realize,
you don't love me,
and it's gonna be a pitiful relationship,
one you don't wanna end,
because you don't wanna cause me pain.
To be honest, I love you so much,
i just know deep down inside,
i'm not and never will be the one you really love.
Because you can't let go of her,
and i know it's true.
Just one day i hope you realize,
its me,
ME that loves you.
Even if you never love me back,
or if my patience runs out...
Just know i love you,
and i'm scared as hell you'll walk out.
"You're free to leave me, just don't decieve me."
Six months... has it all been a lie.

It's you

It's you, the one that I miss,
It's you, I go crazy
with the absence of you kiss.
It's you and the things you do,
that make me fall in love,
more and more with you.
It's you that I cling to,
when there's fear in my heart.
It's you that I love,
no matter how far apart.
It's you and me,
and the days that come,
that make me realize,
you'll always be the only one.

It's you and the way that you smile,
it's you, i begin to miss after a while,
it's you and the way you came into my life,
and it's the way you help me in strife.
It's you and the thing we do,
like run in cold streams, the way we do.
It's the adventures we take,
and it's the way i'll always love you,
no matter how big the mistake.
It's the way you understand,
the way you hold my hand.
it's the way you know what to say,
and I'll always love you, no matter how far away.

Ugh

When I look at you pictures
it makes me sick,
Whenever I think of you,
my heart rips.
Your face disgusts me,
and it haunts my dreams.
I can't believe what came of you,
Not only did you rip my heart in two,
I can't even recognize you.
Betweent he person you are now,
and the person you once where.
My love for you has detured,
but the remnants of memories
they still remain,
at any mention or sound of your name.
The though of your kiss,
makes my skin crawl,
and my heart cruble.
To think I accepted someone
such as yourself in my life
To destroy me, and ruin me.
But here you are,
as different as ever,
I can't look at you,
I gave my all to you,
and you took it all in,
I gave you my life,
all that I had left,
every little piece,
every small detail,
the only thing I had left,
and To look at pictures of you,
and to know they make me sick,
I still remember,
every moment,
every smile,
every kiss,
every touch,
every embrace,
every look on your face.
I still remember that day too.
It's so hard to believe,
someone such as myself,
could've fallen in love with someone
such as yourself.

I realize now when you told me these things,
I realized who you are, and who you've become, and how much I wasted my time,
and it's these things I'll never forget

"Its high time i stop trying so hard at shit i'm no good at.
Like caring, because i honestly don't give a fuck
and i havent for a long time
i've been so obsessed with holding on to whatever sentimental and nostalgic chunks of myself that linger like ghosts in my mind that i never realised how fucking awesome my life really is now. Nothing before now matters. No one before now matters.
i had fun but it wasnt worth it
so now if you'll allow me i owe this to you.
Consider every promise i ever made to you broken
Consider all the plans we ever made null and void
we're not friends
i won't hear you out or stand up for you or take your side
on the contrary
i'll listen to you cry as i stand by the wayside and watch you rot
you are alone now
i've moved on"

"Kayla, whehter it be doors, paths, decisions, choices. Its the same shit. You can't have your fucking cake and eat it too. You can go down one road and i'll be there, you can go down another and i won't and your pissed at me because you went the wrong way? Thats fucking stupid. We're not the same. We never will be. You'll always be smarter and more rational than me, but i'll always be stronger than you. And youre a spoiled selfish ignorant child if you think you can be who you want and do what you want and never have to answer for it. I want to paint the walls with your head and a shotgun. You can take your road and have your fun and you can do it alone. And you can prove me right again. And you can be another notch in my belt. Congratulations.

You'll just be something more to forget.
You'll be time well-wasted.
You'll be another point in the process of elimination

Let's be honest
wherever you are
YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME"

I don't do good alone.

I was thinking before my nap today
Ever since McCary broke my heart,
things, especially relationships seem hard to accept.

You see, My first love, and I was so in love. Oh boy.
but, I knew I was in love, and I was so sure. And for
once in my life at the time, I was so sure he was in
love with me too. And I was soo sure that it would work
out, simply because I knew I was in love with him,
and I KNEW he loved me too. That's just how it was,
For once, I was sure that someone had loved me.
Like, it was so real, that when it came down to it,
There's was nothing that would've crossed my mind to say
"He doesnt love me" because I was just so sure, because
he showed it so well, because he explained it so well,
because He claimed so much to be in love with me.
And in the end,
he admitted he never loved me.

To go a year, being so sure, and then knowing that
they made you feel so sure, without it even being true.
Without actually being in love with you, they made you feel
so sure that they were. They made you believe it so well.

And now, when it comes down to it, I'm not so sure.
I try really hard to say "I know you love me.I know this"
because honestly, If McCary could do it, anyone could.
Anyone could easily make me believe, therefore I find
it so hard to believe "You love me" to be so sure about it.
People do so many things, and tell me all the time,
the way they love me, and how much.
But to be honest, I'm not that quick to believe.
Because in the end, I know they could easily be pretending.
That's how I really feel. That's how scared I really am.

And for once, I just wanna feel that again, I just wanna
be able to believe, to be able to have myself be so sure,
omg, I could only dream. I just wanna be able to get rid
of this constant reminder of how easily it could be fake.
How easily I could be convincing my self of something untrue.
Sure it doesnt make sense to anyone who hasn't expierenced it,
but it's so scary. So impossibly scary, and it's this feeling
that just hangs over you. And I want it to be gone,
because I want to be able to accept that someone might actually
mean the things they say, and that they love me,
because when I accept that, Then I'm truely happy.




That's all I want, is to be truely happy.