I don't do good alone.

I was thinking before my nap today
Ever since McCary broke my heart,
things, especially relationships seem hard to accept.

You see, My first love, and I was so in love. Oh boy.
but, I knew I was in love, and I was so sure. And for
once in my life at the time, I was so sure he was in
love with me too. And I was soo sure that it would work
out, simply because I knew I was in love with him,
and I KNEW he loved me too. That's just how it was,
For once, I was sure that someone had loved me.
Like, it was so real, that when it came down to it,
There's was nothing that would've crossed my mind to say
"He doesnt love me" because I was just so sure, because
he showed it so well, because he explained it so well,
because He claimed so much to be in love with me.
And in the end,
he admitted he never loved me.

To go a year, being so sure, and then knowing that
they made you feel so sure, without it even being true.
Without actually being in love with you, they made you feel
so sure that they were. They made you believe it so well.

And now, when it comes down to it, I'm not so sure.
I try really hard to say "I know you love me.I know this"
because honestly, If McCary could do it, anyone could.
Anyone could easily make me believe, therefore I find
it so hard to believe "You love me" to be so sure about it.
People do so many things, and tell me all the time,
the way they love me, and how much.
But to be honest, I'm not that quick to believe.
Because in the end, I know they could easily be pretending.
That's how I really feel. That's how scared I really am.

And for once, I just wanna feel that again, I just wanna
be able to believe, to be able to have myself be so sure,
omg, I could only dream. I just wanna be able to get rid
of this constant reminder of how easily it could be fake.
How easily I could be convincing my self of something untrue.
Sure it doesnt make sense to anyone who hasn't expierenced it,
but it's so scary. So impossibly scary, and it's this feeling
that just hangs over you. And I want it to be gone,
because I want to be able to accept that someone might actually
mean the things they say, and that they love me,
because when I accept that, Then I'm truely happy.




That's all I want, is to be truely happy.