I dont understand

sometimes.
I just dont get it.
Exclusivity, you say its when you can trust me,
but i dont understand why it has to be about you,
what about when i can trust you?
Do you know how hurt i get?
Here i am bawling my eyes out, i dont think you'd ever know.
You just dont see it,
and i dont know how to make you.
I just want you to see that you hurt me,
more frequently than you'll ever know,
and i do deal with it,
and i accept you for who you are,thats dealing with it.
You say that if i just accept you, you'll quit all your bad ways
but your bad ways hurt me, and they're the only things that would
make me leave you, so if you just want me to stay in the long run,
then if you get rid of them, i wouldnt have to hurt, and you wouldnt
have to worry about me leaving.
I'm just so jaded, so hurt, so betrayed,
all i did was kiss a guy kinda, and you suffered severe pain for a month,
I've suffered that same pain for months and months, and still do,
because you wont stop,
and i fixed it, so that you wont hurt anymore.
I dont understand why i deserve such the mistrust.
When you're the one saying "i could cheat, and not feel guilty,
because you cheated." your cheat is to fuck someone, its different.
and saying you wouldnt feel guilty and that you'd rub it in my face as
"even".... and you wonder why i question your caring...
I just dont understand how you expect me to understand.
I try so hard,
when do you try for mee?
You havent change, and i've tried to.
You changing things that hurt me, is a sign of caring.
And i just wanna feel like you care about me.
That's all i ask.
Ever.

EVER.

Consider my feelings sometimes.
:(
I just love you so much.