Dear

Wow, I never thought it would come to this. Me writing you a letter. I know you’ve moved on from your past, but I here, have not. I dream about you, I think about you, I miss you. I just looked through pictures of us that are on my old computer. You were such a huge part of my life. ----, -----, ------ and I are trying to hang out. I don’t think I’m trying that hard, because I don’t think it will feel right without you. Not to mention Nina wants to go skating.
Upon looking at my pictures, I noticed, I smiled like I never had, and haven’t in awhile. You always made me the happiest, more happy than anyone ever had. I want this to come off so amazingly, and I want to reach in my soul and unravel it to you, though I know you don’t care to know or listen, or even try to believe me when I say I’m being honest. I’m not trying to be “selfish” or anything I’m not. I’m trying to be honest, ----; I mean all these things when I say them. I was in LOVE with you, sometimes I think I still am, but who ever knows, that’s not what I’m trying to get at here. You, ---- are untouchable. No one freakin’ compares to you. No one touches my heart like you did. I miss you, and please don’t doubt me, because I do. I think about how you brought me up, you MADE me. You gave me life in a place I never thought I had one, and for me to betray that, I’m sorry. I really am. What I did was wrong, so wrong. I know you don’t want to forgive me, because I know I don’t deserve it, I wouldn’t give me a third chance either, honest. I don’t know if that’s what I’m asking for, or well, I don’t really know the purpose of this. I guess its to reach down and admit how sorry I really am, and to tell you that you don’t deserve what I did to you. You deserve better than that, all your life you’ve been mistreated, and the last thing I wanted to do was just be another person who did you wrong, and caused you heartache. I know I caused you heartache, and that’s not me being cocky or anything of that nature, I just know it had to of hurt, and I never meant that to happen. As for saying I didn’t like you, I want to clear that up, and I can only hope you read this far, and will read more.
I never once said I don’t like you. I can’t even hear myself saying that, I can see how ----- and ---- could get that, but that’s not what I said. ----- wanted us to all hang out, and I stated how “---- and I aren’t on good terms” and he asked why, and I just gave him my point of view “well _ broke my heart” and you did, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t hurt you, because I’m aware I did, but we were both equally hurt. And he asked what happened and I said “I don’t know how to explain it. We’re just not on good terms. I don’t think I can handle hanging out with _” but that was meant in the way that it hurts. As for ----, it’s the same thing, except in ---- terms because he’d always ask about being “_” and about you and everything and I said “yeah we’re not really friends anymore.” because we weren’t and he also asked why and I said “because of ---- ----- back there.” because ---- ----- had rode my bus then. Then the convo switched to ----.
The reason I say I can’t hear myself saying that, is because, god ----, I loved you. Adored you, and was completely enamored by you, and your very existence. Sure even if I didn’t’ like you or would’ve thought that, I’d always love you. There’s a difference, it’s like you don’t have to like your moms attitude at the moment, but you’ll always love her, if that makes more sense.

----, ----, ----. I don’t know how to explain it. I can still close my eyes and see your smile, and hear your laugh. I walk down the halls of Jackson, and they’ll remind me of you. You were the best thing to me, and I suppose you always will be. I don’t know how to live with out you, so I keep memories of you fresh and bottled up in my mind, just so I feel I’ll always have you. I guess all I expect is that you read this and take it to heart that:
You’re everything to me, and I haven’t said that to “everyone else” I’ve said it to ----- maybe. I have best friends sure, but no matter what, no one will ever understand like you do.
I miss you, the days in the park, homecomings, dying your hair, taking pictures in the shower, building a snow bank so you don’t fly in my lake, finger-painting on each other, playing in the spring, being the “good students”, doing upside down kisses, skating and singing to each other, walking around the football game holding hands, and confusing aaron, walking home getting lost, telling you my deepest secret (still no one else knows), going to the balloon festival, holding you when you cried, relating to our anger problems, relating to our parents, watching “the forgotten” cuddling, walking to Bellstores in the snow at Jen’s, falling asleep on top of you at Jens, being there for you when you got that letter from Bill, crying to you in walmart, going ice skating, being there. Just being there with you, was amazing. You’ve touched my heart ----, and you still do somehow. I think about these things, and I smile, or perhaps I might cry. Sometimes I dream you into my life, and hope it might come true. Even up to our last days together, in your room, star bucks, the show, I was in hopes that you would be as huge of a role in my life as you were. I still wish I could be there, could still hear about Kenny, Bill and hold you through whatever it is you might be going through. But these are wishes, and we’re in reality. I just, hope you had a good birthday, sorry I’m late, I just didn’t want to ruin your actual birthday.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY.
I hope it was the best,
The huge One Eight.
You deserve the world,
And I hope someone gives it to you.

If its not too much, tell your mom, I miss her.

Sincerely,
Love,
Kayla McTeague

“You can never say never, while we don’t know that, time, time, time an again, younger now than we were before, don’t let me go, don’t let me go, don’t let me goooo.”

P.s. You’re 18th birthday is 1-10-10 haha. (sorry)