"Should they kill me

you're love will fill me,
as warm as the bullets, yeaaaah.
I'll know my purpose
this war was worth it,
i wont let you down.
no i wont, no i wont, i wont
alive [alive] alive with love."

I'm so fucking tired.
So worn out.
So torn,
pieces scattered about,
on the floor,
floor i now lay upon,
wishing, hoping that one day there will be,
something more.

I've never been so... contradictory.
I want to be loved, and to love,
but it scares the shit outta me.
I want to be alone,
but I cant survive alone.
I dont want you to touch me,
but I love cuddling with you.
I dont want to think about it,
but it's all that reminds me of who I am.
I feel so cold, and I like it,
but I wouldnt mind the warmth of arms around me.
I want to do something better,
but I dont have the guts to try.
I want to get up, and have fun.
But there's something comforting about laying alone in my bed.
I wanna be happy,
but I keep screwing up.
I want to be skinnier,
but I keep eating like a fat kid.
I want to get good grades,
but I dont want to study.
I want to be the best
but I lack the confidence.
I want people to think great of me,
but when they do, I dont see why.
But most of all,
I want to love, I want to feel like I'm so very important,
but I'll push you away, because I'm scared,
more so than a vampire at the break of day.
So,
It's fucking confusing.
Why?!