Dear mom

I'm glad i disappoint you.
I'm glad i've failed you.
I'm glad i hurt you,
and ashame you.
and etc etc..

Not!

This past week has been the worst of my life
from thinking i'm pregnant to making my mom
want to commit suicide, and her screaming it
in my face as she tells me how much i've failed
her. and how much "my daughter isn't my daugter
anymore" And so on so on.
My already extremely low confidence in myself,
cant take the pain you're putting on it.
There's nothing worse, than being a failure to
your mom.
Than to know, that she thinks you literally dont
give a shit. That I dont appreciate the things
she does. Or that I'm a horrible daughter.
And all i'm gonna do in the next year of my life
is screw over everyone in it.
Thanks. Thanks alot.
Out of all people to hear it from,
I never thought i'd hear it from my own mom.
It's a reality check.
And it hurts like a bitch.

"Why do i stay here kayla, do you know why i stay?"
"no.."
"FOR YOU! I'm so fucking unhappy, and i stay here,
to make you happy... And what do i get?! If it weren't
for you, I'd be in alabama. Livin the life. A three
bedroom house, with a man who loves me! if it werent
for you!"
Thanks mom, I'm glad I'm such a burden on you, it
feels great it really does.

"Why are you graduating early, because your dad
and i paid for it, and what's our reward? you
running off to california with kevin. Great. Nice
to know you fucking care so damn much. If you wanna
run off with kevin. GO do it now. Leave! I dont give
a damn."
Woww. Okaay. If only she could hear my answer to the
question "Why are you graduating early"... My answer
every single fucking time... is:
"Because mom and don got divorced, and i want my mom
to be happy, and i dont want to hold her here for much
longer. Because she promised she'd stay here, until i
graduated, and she wants to be with her boyfriend, who
makes her really happy, and if i move out sooner,
the sooner she can leave, and she'll be happy too. Because
she deserves it."
and everytime i tell someone that they say
to me:
"No man is more important to your mom than you,
she's probably more than happy to stay with you"
Ha wow, i guess not.
Sorry mom.

All I've ever done, is just stand there
and i take it, and i take it,
and i take it, and take it.
and then.. when she leaves the room,
I bawl my eyes out.
There's no one i care more for than my own
mother,
and everyone in my life KNOWS that.
I'm just young, and i do things, and i'm out
and about,
sorry if that makes you wanna commit suicide,
because you think i dont care.
Sorry for failing you.
Sorry for going to school, and trying to get good grades.
Sorry for being an overall good child.
I love you too.